The Last 30 in Photos

So, it's been a busy 30 days...seems that's the norm more now than ever.  I decided to copy an idea from a favorite blog stop, The Inklings of Life, and share photos from my phone to illustrate what we've been up to.  Now, since I usually carry a camera everywhere with me, I rarely use my camera phone.  But, I caught a snippet of the highlights anyway...

It was really HOT this month!  We had days where the thermometer in my car read 104, 102, 98...so we filled the kiddie pool and let Buddy cool off!

One day at the grocery store, my tomatoes rang up for twice what the sign in the produce department said.  When I asked the cashier to fix the price she acted like I was lying and sent a bagboy to find the sign.  He couldn't find it and she couldn't either.

I told them it was a BIG sign, they couldn't see it.  She took the tomatoes off my bill and told me if I'd walk over to the produce department with the bagboy and show him the sign she'd give me the tomatoes free.

Of course I pointed out the damn giant ass sign to the bagboy, he told her it was there, but the bitch wanted to see it for herself and told him to bring her the sign.  (She was pretty rude to start out with, but by this point I was ready to junk-punch her.) I was pretty happy when the bagboy acted a total ass carrying the sign to her register waving it in the air.

This is the sign behind the service desk after I got my free tomatoes.

On one of those hot days I had the genius idea to go to the laundromat and wash my comforter.

You DO NOT want to be in a laundromat when it is 98 degrees outside!

Daddy is tons of fun at the playground...I usually tell Buddy that Mommy's butt is too big to fit on there with him.  Daddy's the fun parent.  I can live with that.

We found this Ah-MAZ-ing playground that is like 5 different playgrounds in one, surrounding this giant castle that kids can climb on and run through.

Buddy had a teensy little meltdown when we made him leave said Castle Playground.  Poor dude.

Buddy got his own bed!  And we're all sleeping through the night (more or less) now!

Buddy likes to hang out with Daddy in his bed in the evenings and talk about life.

We tagged along with DH to a job he had to do in Las Vegas.  DH had a rental SUV and had to pack tools and ladders for his job.  If Buddy were any bigger, we'd have never fit!!

We stayed at Treasure Island.  I thought it would be a nice quiet family-oriented sort of place.  I'm not sure that exists in Las Vegas!  When we went to the pool on Friday afternoon, it was a scene straight out of MTV's Spring Break - complete with pumping DJ and cool young hotness-es hanging out all around the pool dancing, playing drinking games and just generally acting "hot" and "cool".

Buddy and I ROCKED our "too cool to leave the pool" UN-cool-ness!

We had fun swimming and splashing and he took a great nap afterward!

I'll tell you more about the fun we had in Vegas later...

Looking Beyond the Imperfections Today

Hiya friends!  How's it in your neck of the woods?  Out here in Southern California it's HOT!  Like, 90 degrees before 10am HOT.  Everyone keeps saying it's not normally this hot this early in the year; I just figure it's my fault because we're here, the weather ALWAYS seems to freak out the first year we spend anywhere.

So, Southern California, yeah.  It's OK.  It doesn't really feel like "home" to me, but it's OK.  I'm not sure anywhere feels like home anymore.  DH and I were talking about that a few weeks ago.  We're both feeling a bit homesick, but there isn't really a "home" to go to...feeling homesick for a time and feeling more than a specific place.  It's hard always feeling out of place and sort-of unsettled.

The positive for this So Cal adventure so far is learning that living without all our "stuff" we left behind in Colorado is somewhat easy.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd like to have some of the stuff I left behind with me but living without it isn't torture or misery or anything.  I can get by with a heck of a lot less than I ever imagined.

I'm missing seeing Baby Girl a lot.  I never really imagined we'd be gone this long without going back to visit.  This is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other.  Thankfully we can chat on the phone and text whenever we want!

I miss Monkey Man, too.  He's off becoming a Soldier in the US Army - so communication with him is relegated to letters through the good ol' USPS (for the most part).  I really suck at writing letters and keeping him up to date on everything happening here.  I try to write regularly, but sometimes I just don't know what to write, ya know?  I always want him to know how proud we are of him and how much we pray for his safety and strength.

Buddy is growing up so fast!  he's learning new words on a daily basis and has transitioned into a toddler bed (finally he's in his own bed). And he's finally sleeping through the night most of the time!  If he does wake up a sip of water and putting his blanket back over him is usually all it takes to get him settled back in.

Things are changing...constantly.  For now, most of the changes seem to be positive.  I hope things continue to improve.

Talk to you again soon.

Well, the Dam Broke...

Hi there...long time, no see - again.

I quit posting here again.  Right in the middle of a blogging challenge, no less.  I hate when I set goals for myself and then fall short.  Hate.It.  That's probably why I have so few goals...

Oh well.  The truth is, I've tried to keep angry, depressing shit off of my blog.  I've accomplished this mostly by not posting here when I feel angry or depressed.  That tactic's just not working out very well for me.  I NEED to be writing and posting; even if I'm the only one who ever reads it.

To be even more truthful, a big part of why I shy away from showing that I'm fully human and get angry, frustrated, depressed, etc. is because of my past.  My family I grew up with.  They've screwed me up in the head.

I'm sure everyone's families do that to them, but I'm the only me and all I've got is my story to tell.

It may not be unique, but it's my experience.

Source

So, here's where my head is at this moment:

If you don't like me or the way I think or the thoughts I share...there's the door.  Help yourself to it!

If you find yourself judging me for who I am and what I do, please don't feel like you have to stick around.  Your negativity isn't welcome in my life. I think enough bad things about myself without adding your criticisms!

If you can only interpret my actions with a filter built in your head that casts an ugly shadow and theme across everything I do...why are you still here?  If you think I'm a piece of shit, why give a damn at all what I do?

If your answer is "we're family".  That's a bullshit reason to stick around.  Sorry.  You don't have to agree, but in my personal opinion "family" doesn't have to be the people you are genetically similar to...

And sticking beside "family" when you don't really love them enough to look beyond your preconceived notions of who they are, or beyond your belief that they are still the same person they were 10, 20, or 30 years ago is a completely pointless thing to do.  Why spend your time and energy giving a damn about someone if all you see in them is failure?

Similarly, the people you are genetically similar to don't have to be your family.

If someone treats you like shit and seems to only want to cause you pain, why have anything to do with them?  Even if you did spend decades living under the same roof.  If someone only has negative things to say about you - why have anything to do with them?  Even if they are your parent or sibling or Aunt or Uncle.  If every time you speak with someone you spend the following days wondering "what did they mean by that?" - they might not be the best person to spend your time talking to!  Regardless of who they are and what your history with them is.

So, here's a novel idea for you:  dump them!  Dump the family you were born into if they can't appreciate you for who you are.  If they seem to think it is their sole mission in life to point out all your flaws and failures in life; just walk away!  YOU.Deserve.BETTER!

Set yourself free!  Erase their words and angry voices from your memory.  Tell yourself that their perception of you isn't the truth.  Tell yourself that you are a good person.  Tell yourself you are kind.  Tell yourself you are loving.  Tell yourself you are honest.  Tell yourself you are caring.  Tell yourself you are generous.  Tell yourself that you are hard working.  Tell yourself that you are creative.  And tell yourself that you are fun! They should have been telling you those things, but just because they didn't doesn't make them untrue!

And then, once you believe all of those things about yourself, forgive them.  They're human, too, after all.  I'm not saying to forget...just to forgive.  Let go of the anger.  Holding that anger isn't good for you and it's not hurting them or effecting them in any way.  So just let it go.

That doesn't mean forget.  It doesn't mean go back and let them hurt you more.  It just means: quit carrying the anger.  That's it.

And keep on being good, kind, loving, honest, caring, generous, hard working, creative, fun YOU!

You win!