Project Optimism: Getting to the chewy Tootsie Roll Center

So, I'm new to blogging...but I've outed myself.  I actually fessed up to human beings I know in real life that I've started a blog!  Yesterday I told a friend I met way back in elementary school who had been encouraging me to get to it and post on my blog.  Then last night I told Baby Girl and DH while we were waiting for a break in the football so we could watch some really cool commercials.

Turns out I had taught Baby Girl well in the ways of internet stalking, I mean sleuthing, or exploration (yeah, exploration, that's it!), and she had already found this-here page and subscribed.  OH!  The pressure!  Now that people know this place exists, they'll know if I let it wither and die like so many of my previous creative outlets.  And, here I am...offering nourishment to my little bloggy that will!

Lately I've been reading a lot of Mom Blogs and I've discovered so many amazing women sharing their lives one word at a time with us - their virtual community.  I've laughed, I've cried, and then laughed and cried some more reading their words.  (Some of the blogs I'm reading can be found here)

I've been inspired to be a better me.  To find out who I am...a search I started all too recently.  And to begin to express who I am.  So, as you join me on this exploration, I encourage you to explore who you are, too!  No one should wait until they're 38-almost-39 to figure out who they are!

I've been standing in the shadows of a lot of hurt for so, so long.  I've tried so hard to hide all my hurt; but anyone who knows me at all knows that I TOTALLY SUCK at hiding my feelings!  Consequently, for a very long time the only way I could feel "safely hidden away" was to convert all the yucky feelings I wanted to hide into anger.  And boy was I ANGRY!

I do angry well.  It's a safe haven; it's instinctual.  When the world gives you hurt and you reflect it back as anger, everyone takes a step back and leaves you alone.  Alone, there in the shadows, where you say you feel safe, but really you just feel alone.

While stuffing all that hurt way back to the deepest, darkest part of your consciousness feels safe and smart, it isn't.  Much like the diaper pail in my bathroom, all those stuffed down feelings get stinky-stanky and fill up and overflow and start stinking up the whole rest of the place.  And clearing out all that stank isn't as easy as asking DH to take the bag out of the diaper pail when he trudges out the door to work.  Nope, cleaning out all that emotional stank is damn hard work.  And it hurts.  And it's scary.  But you do it anyway because you're so tired of crouching in the shadows feeling alone.  And you're excited to find out what's in there at the core of who you are once you peel off these layers you've been hiding under for so long.

So I guess blogging is one way of peeling back the layers and getting to the chewy tootsie roll center of me.  I'm not sure how many licks it will take to get to the center, but I'm licking and writing and exploring.  It gives me hope and helps me feel optimistic that my future will be brighter than anything I've imagined!

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Like I mentioned earlier, I've been reading a lot of Mom blogs.  While reading When Crazy Meets Exhaustion I discovered Project Optimism.  And, to agree with her wholeheartedly, this world we live in could use all the optimism we can throw at it!

Henceforth, Mondays shall be optimistic around this popsicle stand!  Put on a smile, share some joy!  And if you want to join the Project Optimism movement, and I hope you do, here's what you need to know:

1. Write about something that makes you feel optimistic.  Whatever, just share the hope and joy!
2. Post on MONDAYS and help start your and all your readers' week off on a good note; include "Project Optimism" in your title.
3. Add the Project Optimism badge to your blog by going to your dashboard and clicking the Image widget.  Adjust pic to 200hx200w.  Project Optimism badge is here.
4. Send me a link to your Project Optimism post in the comment section.
5. Link back to Keeping It Real Mom's original Project Optimism post here and invite all your blogger friends and fans to join the movement!
6. Encourage the person who linked up before you.  Kindness is contagious!